


The Future Mrs Barnes

by emilyevanston



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/F, F/M, Oral Sex, Reader-Insert, Smut, Super powered reader, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, With A Twist, really bad decision making, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 00:17:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10425024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/emilyevanston
Summary: During a fight with a Hyrda agent you and Bucky Barnes are transported to a world where time doesn’t seem to be working properly.





	1. The Future Mrs Barnes

“That’s the last of them.”

Sergeant Barnes’ voice barely even registers as you stare out the window.  It’s pitch black outside.  Nothing like you’ve ever seen before.  Normally the world gives off some sort of ambient lighting doesn’t it?  The moon?  Stars?  The far off glow of cities?  There’s nothing.  Like you’re deep underground.  Only you aren’t.  You are remote sure, but that doesn’t explain why it seems like someone has just switched the lights off.

It also doesn’t explain what happened to the others.  There were a whole team of people with you.  Captain Rogers, Agents Barton and Romanoff, Sergeant Wilson, Ms Maximoff.  You were fighting your way through a Hydra base.  A guy came out and muttered something under his breath, Blue light started radiating out of his body.  As you and Sergeant Barnes ran to stop him Maximoff did her hand thing.  There was light and then there was no light and you and Bucky were alone in the pitch black.

You’d stumbled around in the dark until you’d bumped into each other.  Then you’d remembered you had a flare on your utility belt.  You lit it and used the glow in light to get your bearings.  You weren’t in the base any more.  You were in a forest.  There was a cabin.  You’d called for the others until the flare went out and then held hands and slowly crept your way to the cabin.  Barnes broke the door in and taken it upon himself to find every candle in the rundown shack.

“I was thinking I might take off my clothes and use the heat from the candles to keep warm.  If I lit them all at once that would work right?”  Barnes says.

“Yeah, sure.”  You agree, not even listening to what he was saying.

He starts laughing and it startles you enough that you jerk your head around to see what’s going on.

“You weren’t even listening to what I said.”  He laughs.

“What do you think happened to us?  Where the hell are we, Sergeant Barnes?”  You ask.

“Call me Bucky.”  He says.  “Something obviously went weird when Wanda did the thing she does.”  He wiggles his fingers near his head.  “The others will find us.  We both have gps in our equipment.  We’ll be fine.”

You aren’t so convinced.  “What about the sky?”

Barnes walks up behind you and looks out the window.  He’s standing so close that you can actually feel the heat radiating off his skin.  It isn’t until that moment that you realize how cold you are.  

“I’m not gonna lie.  That’s a little scary.  Still, not gonna worry.  We can do this can’t we, doll?”  He says.

You consider correcting him.  You were an agent and he doesn’t know you.  Using pet names is inappropriate.  Now doesn’t seem the time though.  He steps away from you and the cold air seems to clamp down on you and you start to shiver.

“That cold is strange isn’t it?”  Barnes says.  “If I stand here.  I’m cold.  But,” he takes two steps toward you. “Here is fine.”  

You start wringing your hands.  All your years of training and nothing had ever prepared you for this twilight zone episode you seemed to be living through.  “Sergeant Barnes?”

“Bucky.”

“I’m really scared.”

He puts his hand on your shoulder and rubbed his thumb up and down.  “You wanna find food or start a fire?”

“Fire.”  You said quickly.  He smiles and heads into the kitchen.

By the time he returns you’ve gotten a roaring fire started.  He had a couple of pots in his hands balances precariously on plates.  You remove one and he gestures to the fire.  You put the pot onto the coals and he does the same with the other one and disappears into the kitchen again.  This time when he returns it’s carrying a dusty wine bottle and two glasses.

“Look what I found.”  He says.

You shake your head.  “I think we should stay alert, sir.  Who knows where we are.  Or if there are enemies out there.”

Barnes shrugs and opens the bottle.  “Suit yourself.   And it’s Bucky.”

You both sit up for a little while, him trying to engage you and get you to relax.  You resisting.  You must have fallen asleep.  You feel like you did, but you can’t remember it happening.  You’re just talking and then suddenly the sun is up.  

The two of you explore around outside.  You won’t relax despite how hard Barnes tries to get you to.  Nothing about this feels right.  There is no sound outside.  No birds, no animals, no cars off in the distance.  You can’t see the sun either.  It’s light, and the sky is blue and free from clouds, but there is no sun.  It makes you uneasy.  You feel like you must be being watched.

That night Barnes cooks again brings wine out again.  You refuse again.

“Why don’t you ever socialize with the rest of us?”  Barnes asks, taking a large swallow of his wine.  “You’ve been on the team for six months now.”

“This is my job.”  You answer.  

“You can’t be friends with work colleagues?”

You shake your head.  “If you’re working at Macy’s sure.  Getting attached to people in this line of work only leads to heartbreak, which leads to you not doing your job properly.”

Barnes leans back on the moth eaten couch.  “You lost someone.”  He says, like that answered everything.  “Was it a friend?  Family member?”

You sigh.  “My girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend, huh?”  He says, picking his teeth with his prosthetic hand.  “That explains so many things.”

You glare at him.  “You might be my superior officer, but don’t think I’ll take your shit, Sir.”

Barnes laughs.  “I just mean, I’ve been trying to hit on you for months now.  If you lost someone, a girl someone, well of course you’re not going to be interested in me.”

“You’ve lost someone too?”  You ask.

Barnes shakes his head.  “I was the lost one.  What I’m worried about is how Steve is reacting to me being gone.  He kind of get’s a little single minded when it comes to me.”

“Are you two?”  You ask, making a weird hand gesture.

He barks out a laugh.  “Steve and me?  No.  You wouldn’t be the first one to think it though.  We’re just family, ya know?  We like to take turns worrying about each other.”

You laugh and a smile lights up his face crinkling his eyes at the corners.  He touches your leg.  

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you laugh.”  He says.  

You start talking about lighter things and once again you must have fallen asleep because you’re both suddenly leaning against each other blinking around in a room drenched in sunlight from a non-existent sun.

You sit up suddenly blinking at him.  “Morning.”  He says, smiling at you.

“Do you remember falling asleep?”  You ask him.  

He furrows his brow.  “Yes.”  He pauses.  “Uh, no.  Maybe.  Shit.  That’s weird.”

The two of you decide to go walk for as long as you can while still allowing for time to get back before the lights switch off.  By midday you see a cabin in the distance.  You decided to head to that instead of back.  The light is fading by the time you reach it.  

It’s your cabin.  The one you left this morning.

“We must have got turned around.”  Barnes says.  

“You know we didn’t.”  You mutter.  

“We must have.  We’ll try again tomorrow.”

Tonight you join him drinking.  The level of fear you have is too much to deal with.  You get very drunk and the sudden wake up happens a lot sooner than on previous nights.  However you wake with no hangover.  Just suddenly you are aware of the light.  

Days pass.  Weeks even.  Your fear ramps up and then dials back.  No one has attacked you.  You must have been forced into some weird other plane of existence.  It’s unlikely you’ll be found, but at least you’re safe.  The food appears to be limitless.  You’ll just have to get used to it being you and Barnes.  

You both sit drinking wine and staring at the fire.  “Do you think they’ve had a funereal for us, sir?”  You ask.  

His face falls.  “I think they might have.  Steve won’t have given up yet.  I hope to hell he does though.  He can’t let finding me consume him like it did before.”

“I wonder if anyone came to mine.”  You muse.  

Barnes touches your leg.  “I would have.”  He says.

You start to laugh.  “Was that supposed to be you flirting again? ‘Hey baby, if I was back in the real world and we thought you were dead, I’d mourn.’  No wonder I never noticed you flirting before.”

Barnes laughs loudly.  It takes over his whole body and it isn’t long before you’re both clutching at each other in hysterics.  Anytime one of you thinks you have it under control the other one sets it off again.  

“I’ll have you know, I never had any trouble getting dates.”  Barnes says when he does finally get himself under control.

“Well, that’s because you’re freakishly good looking, sir.”  You say.

He looks away from you, and blushes, his hand going through his hair.  “I am?  I thought it was because I was devilishly charming.”  

“No.  It is definitely not that.”  

You wake again pressed against Barnes half aware that you fell asleep but still unsure if you did or not.  His arm is wrapped around you this time.  The steel is cold against your skin.  

He looks down at you smiling.  “Why do we never sleep in a bed?”  You ask.  

“I don’t know.   It’s like we just both pass out every night.”   

“Yeah, maybe that’s what happens.”  You say getting up.

You both spend the day cleaning the cabin.  Without formally agreeing to anything you both have seemed to have resigned to the fact you’re stuck here.  If you’re stuck here then you may as well be comfortable.  

You head to the bedroom thinking maybe tonight you could try and sleep in an actual bed.  You open the door and you’re greeted by what might be the most terrifying thing that’s happened so far.

The bedroom is spotless.  Not only is it spotless the bed itself looks like it’s been made up with new sheets and comforters.  The absolute worst bit is there is there are candles lit and rose petals scattered over the floor and bed.  

“Sergeant Barnes.”  You call.  

He appears at the other end of the hall.  “Can you please call me Bucky?”  He says.  

You shake your head and point to the bedroom.  He walks up behind you and looks in the room.  “Uh, doll.  You won’t even call me by my name.  I think it’s too soon for that.”

“I didn’t do this.  I thought you did this.”  You yelp, shoving him.  

Barnes shakes his head.  

“We have got to get out of here.”  You whisper.  

Time passes in a way where you know you experienced it, but then you aren’t sure either.  You have memories of things that happened.  You and Barnes become more comfortable around each other.  You start sharing more about yourselves.  Your childhood, the things you’d both lost over time.  You tell him about your girlfriend. How you were on a mission together and you got lazy and she pushed you out of the way of a sniper and died when you should have been the one that died.  He tells you of the day he fell from a train and woke up, but not really. How the people who he used to fight now used him as a weapon.

“I have a question that I can’t quite figure out a way to phrase that won’t make me sound like a complete jerk.”  Barnes says.  

“Best to say it quickly then, sir.”  You reply.

“Why were you on our team?”  He asks.

“You don’t think I belonged?”  You ask.  

“I don’t know.  It’s just everyone on the team.  We, well…”

“What about Agent Barton?”  You say, knowing how that sentence ends.  

He raises his eyebrow at you.  

“I’m enhanced.  But I don’t like showing people.  Captain Rogers knows what I can do.”  You say. “When I do it, it makes people question reality.  Then they get scared.”

“I’m already questioning reality, doll.  Why not show me?”  Barnes says.

You sigh and go to find your things.  You had a note pad and pen in your utility belt.  Those were important for your powers to work.  You sit down next to him.  “Let’s say I gave you a gift right now.  It was wrapped and in a box.  What would you like to be in that box?”  You ask.

“Beer.  Damn, I could kill for a beer right now.”  He says.

You grin and start drawing a box.  It’s simple and you draw a bow on it.  You pinch the paper and pull.  The box emerges from the paper. It’s lopsided and exactly like it did as a drawing.  Lined paper and everything.  Only now it’s three dimensional and large enough to hold a six pack of beer.

“Here you go.”  You say handing it to him.  He looks at you his eyes wide.  You knew there was nothing you could do to prepare him for what just happened.  “Bucky.  It’s fine.”  

“You called me, Bucky.”  He says.  

“Mm hmm.”  You hum, pushing the box into his hand.  He unwraps it and pulls the six pack of Stella out of it.

“What the hell?”  He says.  

“Yeah I don’t know why I need to draw a box.  Like I just made that out of nothing.  Why can’t I just go ‘beer please’ and there be beer.  If I draw the beer it works, but it’s off.  Because it’s a drawing of beer.  But if draw a box just about anything can be in it.”  You explain.

“Anything can be in the box?”  He says.

“Yeah.  I mean.  I can’t draw your childhood dog and that be in there.  But a dog could be in there.”  You say.  “Please don’t look at me like that.  I told you I hate showing people.”  

“That’s really amazing.  You’re amazing.”  Bucky says.  “Hey wait, if you can do this.  Did you set up the bedroom?”  

You shake your head.  “No.  I swear.  I have no idea how that happened.  Although.  Are you finding time weird?  I feel like time is skipping not travelling forward like normal.”

Bucky shakes his head.  “I remember things.”

“I don’t like this place, Bucky.”  You say.  “I feel like people are messing with us.  Do you think Hyrda put us here to see what we did?”

“I spent so many years with Hydra.  I don’t think even they have this kind of technology.”  

You wake again resting against Bucky’s chest.  This time he doesn’t have his shirt on.  He leans down and kisses you and for a second you forget that you’ve been doing that for weeks now.  Then you remember how after you started calling him Bucky you started to not see him as your superior officer any more.  How he had touched your leg again and you’d taken his hand in yours.  How he’d questioned the fact that you had an ex girlfriend and when you’d said you like men too he’d leaned in and kissed you.

“Morning, doll.”  He said.  

“Morning, babe.”  You say and turn over in his arms so you’re pressed up against him.  You run your finger across his lips and stare down at him.  

“What’re you doing, dahlin’?”

You bring your lips to his, licking along to top of his mouth.  He hums and suck your bottom lip as he pulls away from you.  “I love you, doll.  But I cannot start the day with another cold shower.”  

Wait, when did he start saying the L word?  You shake your head and the memory of you telling him you loved him a month ago fills you head.  How he returned it a week later.  

“What’s wrong?”  He asks, stroking his hand along your jaw.

“That time thing again.”  You say.  “It feels like things didn’t happen until I focused on them.”

“What did you forget?”  He asks.

“I felt like I forgot everything then. That we were way back at the start when I’d just started using your name.”  You say.  

“You forgot that I was in love with you?”  He asks.

You nod.  “God, Buck. That was scary.   I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

His lips brush over yours.  “I’m right here.  You’re safe.”

You lean your head against his chest and he runs his fingers through your hair.  “Bucky?”  

“Mm?”

“I’m ready.”  You say.  

You’re in the bedroom and it’s how you last saw it.  The candles and the rose petals.  For a second you forgot how you got here, then you don’t even care because Bucky is kissing a trail down your naked body.  His tongue goes between your folds and you moan.  Every touch he makes sends jolts through you.  It’s like he can’t do anything wrong.  He pushes one of his metal fingers into your cunt, and while you think logically there is a high chance of pinching between the plates, it’s nothing but good.  

You come apart under his touches, and when your orgasm hits your you chant his name. He crawls back up your body and while you kiss he enters you.  You groan loudly.  For a second you try to think about a time that sex has ever felt this good.  Has there ever been an encounter where your other partner could do no wrong?   You cling to him as he kisses you, thrusting harder and harder into you.  You come again and again until finally he spills into you too and you both collapse on the bed side by side panting.  

“That felt like how people pretend sex is.”  You say.

“It was pretty amazing.  Doll, when did you learn to do that thing with your tongue?”  He asks.  

“What?”  You ask.

“When you were …”  He gestures to his crotch.  “You know.”  

You’re confused for a second and then remember how you had sucked his cock too.  How did you forget that?

You get up and run to the bathroom, throwing up into the toilet.

Bucky appears behind you.  He’s dressed again.  How did he dress so fast?  “I’m telling you.  It’s morning sickness.”

You look up at him in a mixture of nausea and confusion.  “What?”

“It’s been going on for weeks now.  We haven’t been careful enough.  How am I gonna deliver a baby on my own?”  

“Right.  For weeks.”  You say. “I forgot.”

He helps you to your feet.   You’re dressed too.  These blackouts are just becoming annoying now.  “At least you asked me to marry you before this happened.”  You say.

Bucky frowns.  “I hate that we can’t do all of this properly.  Have out life with other people.”

“Yeah me too.”

You’re lying on the couch with Bucky and he’s rubbing his hand over your baby bump, before you have time to wonder what happened during this blackout your pushing, and there’s so much pain and you can hear Bucky soothing you telling you you’re doing a great job.  Then you’re outside under the non-existent sun and your son and daughter are playing together.

You look to Bucky and he seems so happy and all you are is confused.  “Bucky?”  You say.

“What’s wrong, doll?”  He says, he looks so happy.  

“I love you.”  You say and try and fill in the holes yourself.  

“You blacked out again didn’t you?  How much time?”  He asks.

“We were having sex for the first time.”  You say.  

“Doll.  Are you okay?  That was 12 years ago.”  He says.  He cups your face in his hands and looks into your eyes.  “What are our kids names?”

“Steven and Alice.”  You answer.  

He smiles.  “That’s right.  God, you worried me.”  

The sun goes out and Bucky grips your shoulder.  “Do you smell that?”  He asks.

“Smell what?”  You ask.

“It’s like ammonia.”

“I don’t smell anything.”  You say.  The world does seem to be going fuzzy though.  

Bucky opens his eyes and blinks up at the faces hovering over him.  “Stevie?”  He asks.

“Hey pal, you alright?  You’ve been out for about an hour.”   He answers.  

Bucky sits up and his head spins.  “What?  But I was gone?  Where’s Y/N?”  

“Who?”  Steve asks.  “Maybe you should lie down, Buck.”

“We were gone. Where is she?  She was an agent.”  Bucky says trying to get to his feet.  Frantic to find the woman he loves.  His children.

Steve puts a hand on his shoulder.  “There’s no one by that name, Buck.  I think you’ve been dreaming.”

Bucky clutches at his chest.  “We were going to get married.  I had kids, Steve.”  

Steve runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair.  “Lie down.  You’re safe.  It was just a dream.”

“I lived my life, Steve.”  Bucky says, struggling to hold tears back.  “I was happy.”

“You’re gonna be fine, pal.  Just need to clear your head.”


	2. The Former Mrs Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wake up from a dream confused and questioning reality

You wake up scared and for a moment not sure where you are.  Like you’d blacked out again and lost time.  You were talking to Bucky, your kids were playing and now you’re in bed.  Then slowly it comes to you.  There is no Bucky.  Well there is a Bucky.  He’s one of the Avengers.  You’ve never actually seen him in person though.  He’s certainly not your husband.  It was just a particularly vivid dream.  Not your first dream involving an Avenger either.  They’re not normally this real through.

You look over at your girlfriend sleeping beside you.  Her mess of dark hair poking up above the blanket.  The gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathes.  She’d died in your dream and you feel an intense relief that she’s here.  Alive and safe.  You lie back down, draping your arm over her and nuzzling into her hair before drifting back off to sleep.

* * *

“I had this bizarre dream last night.”  You say.  You and Abbey are sitting together eating breakfast.  She’s gone overboard again.  Pancakes, eggs, bacon, cereal, fruit, coffee and juice.  It’s like she’s trying to feed a whole family of athletes instead of just two average women.

“Was it that one where we go to adopt a puppy but instead of a puppy we come home with a starfish?”  Abbey asks.

“No.  I still wish I knew why I dream about that so often though. Is it because you won’t let me have a puppy?  Why won’t you let me have a puppy?”  You ask.

“Because we live in a tiny apartment.  I promise, when we get a house you can have a puppy.”  She leans over the table taking your hand in hers and gives you a quick kiss.  Her lips gently brushing over yours.

“Can we look for a house soon?”  You ask.

“You’re still studying.  How could we afford it on my salary?”  She asks.

Here’s where it could get tricky.  You could use your abilities and draw a box filled with money and buy any house you want.  But using your powers freaks people out.  It’s makes them question reality.  When they question reality they get scared and lash out at you.  You know Abbey loves you.  She doesn’t know though.  Not that.  You could show her and risk her hating you.  Or go on pretending you can’t create things from nothing.  Maybe if you lied and said you inherited the money she’d believe you.

Abbey clicks her fingers.  “Hey, babe.  Where’d you go?”

“Sorry, I was just daydreaming of our future.” You reply.

Abbey takes a large mouthful of pancake.  “What was your dream?”

For a second you’re not sure what she means, and then the memory of Bucky Barnes fills your head.  “I was stuck in this place.  There was no sky but there was a cabin.  I was an Avenger and the Winter Soldier was there.  We ended up falling in love and having children.”  You explain.

“The Winter Soldier, huh?”  Abbey says.  “I guess he’s kinda cute.  Aren’t you more of a Falcon girl?”

You laugh.  “Him or Captain Marvel.”  

Abbey looks off into the distance and sucks the end of her fork.  “Oh yeah.  I could do bad things to Carol Danvers.”

“You seem to be having a lot of settling down dreams lately.”  Abbey says.  “You trying to tell me something?”

You shrug.  “Maybe I’m trying to tell me something.  Hurry up and finish my damn degree.”

Abbey gets up piling plates on top of each other.  As she carries them towards the kitchen she leans down and you kiss again.  She lingers this time.  Letting you taste the sweetness of the maple syrup she just had on her pancakes off her lips.  When she pulls away she sucks you lower lip with a hum.  “Love you.”  She says.

“I love you too.”

* * *

The next few weeks continue as normal.  You have classes and Abbey has work.  On the weekends you do disgustingly cutesy couples things.  You go to farmer’s markets and street fairs.  You see movies together and spend time just cuddled up watching TV or making out.

The dream never leaves you though.  It starts feeling weird.  Like you lived a life already.  It was a whole and completed life.  Where you fell in love with a man and had children.  You were in love and it was strong and deep and real.  Now you were having a second life where you were in love with a woman.  It was only just starting but it was just as real.

You kept trying to talk to Abbey about it.  It was bothering you this weird parallel life you seemed to have had.  She quickly got tired of hearing about it.  When you started researching the Winter Soldier she started getting snippy and jealous.  Telling you you had real problems and maybe you should see a shrink.

That hurt.  So you dropped it.  You still looked him up and thought about him all the time.  You just had one more secret you had to keep from her.  You also started to wonder if you did have a problem.  It was pretty crazy to think about.  You wondered if maybe your subconscious was telling you to go join the Avengers.  You did have a pretty cool power after all.  Maybe the Avengers wouldn’t freak the fuck out of they saw it in action.

You were walking to school on a Tuesday by yourself.  Daydreaming of a life with Bucky versus a life with Abbey.  It was weird that you kept doing this to yourself.  Abbey was real and she was here and she loved you.  Bucky was a dream.  You didn’t even know him.  All the kindness and playful banter.  The crazy hot sex.  That love that was so pure it was fine that you were the only two people in the whole world.  That was imaginary. You couldn’t have that.

There is a loud explosion in the street ahead of you and you jump out of your skin.  A crowd of people surge out of the street in your direction.  You turn to run but another crowd surges from the other side.  It’s chaos.  You are buffeted back and forth as people run everywhere.  There are more explosions but you have no idea where they are or what’s causing them.

That’s when they arrive.  

The Avengers appear as if out of nowhere.  You see Iron Man and War Machine first.  They shoot through the skies above your head so quickly that you question that you really did see them.

Captain Marvel flies in dropping Captain America to the ground.  He starts to direct the crowd down a small side street.  As you follow his direction you see him.  Bucky Barnes is running up the street, assault rifle drawn, weaving in and out of the crowd.  You stop dead, watching him as he approaches you.  

The crowd surges past you and you lose sight of him amongst them just for a moment.  When he’s visible again you make eye contact.  His blue-grey eyes go wide and you’re sure he mouths your name.  You both take a step towards each other and there is another loud explosion.  This time from above you.  Something strikes the back of your head and the world goes black.

You wake, your head throbbing and disorientated.  There is so much engine noise.  You blink your eyes and a face looms over your.   Blue-grey eyes, scruff, his dark hair hanging down over his face.  The relief of seeing Bucky.  The man you love.  The father of your children.  Washes over you.  He smiles at you and maybe he was going to say something but he never gets a chance.  You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss.

He resists for a moment.  Maybe longer than a moment.  You’re about to let him go and ask him what’s wrong when his arms engulf you and he devours you.  It feels like it’s been an age since he kissed you like this.  Deep and hot and wet.  His tongue caressing yours as your mouths move against each other.

You remember.  It hasn’t been an age.  You have never kissed Bucky Barnes.  That was a dream.  This doesn’t feel like a dream though.  

You pull back and he slowly opens his eyes and looks down at you.  “You’re real.”  He breathes.

“That was a dream.”  You say.  Panic starts to bubble up inside you.  You glance around realizing you’re in what must be the Quinjet.  There’s Captain America sitting across from you both scowling.  Black Widow and Hawkeye are flying the plane.

“Was it?  It felt real.  You’re real.  I love you, dahlin’.”  Bucky says.

The panic takes over and you push back from him.  “No. No, no, no, no.  That was a dream.  I have to go to school.  What’s happening?  This shouldn’t be happening.  Where are you taking me?”

“Shh…” Bucky soothes.  “You’re safe, doll.  You know me.”  He goes to run his hand over your hair and you swipe his hand away.

“No.  I don’t.”  You yell.  “Where are you taking me?”

Captain America approaches.  His brow is furrowed and he’s clenching his jaw like he’s in pain.  “It’s okay, ma’am.  You’ve experienced a significant head injury.  We’re taking you to get medical care.”

You lie back and Bucky moves away from you.  Part of you wishes he didn’t.   His warmth and familiarity was a little reassuring.  Though that somehow makes it worse.  He keeps looking at you like you’re causing him pain.  You turn away from him.

You’re taken to the Avengers compound and your head injury is treated.  You are asked so many questions.  You refuse to answer most of them.  Only repeating your name and that you had class.

The doctors eventually leave you alone and while you’re sitting there contemplating just trying to leave, Bucky comes in.

“You kissed me.”  He says.

“I was dreaming.”  You reply.

“Why would you dream of kissing me?”

You turn away from him.  “You’re famous.”

He takes a few steps towards you.  “Why are you doing this to me?  I know you.”

“I have a girlfriend.”  You reply.  “She loves me and we’re going to get married.”

Bucky falters.  “Does she know?”

“That I dreamed about marrying an Avenger?”  You ask looking back at him.  “Yes.  I also once dreamed about fucking Captain Marvel while she was flying.  She knows that too.”

Bucky takes another step towards you.  “No.  I mean about your powers.”

It feels like your heart stops for a moment.  You swallow hard and will yourself not to start crying.  “How do you know about that?”

“I know you.  We had a life, doll.  You know we did.”  Bucky implores.  He sounds in such pain and your heart breaks for him.  

“That wasn’t real.”

“It could be.”  Bucky whispers.  “We could try.  I loved you.  I do love you.  Can’t we try?”

He sits down at the side of the bed and you take his hand in yours.  It’s such a familiar, natural move.  Like you’ve been doing it for a lifetime.  “I have a girlfriend.  I don’t know how we dreamed the same thing.  But it wasn’t real.  You don’t know me.”

“Does she?”

You shake your head.  “She knows enough.  You need to let me go home.”

He leans towards you and by instinct you meet him halfway.  Your lips meet and this time it feels familiar and new all at once.  Like a first kiss and one that’s just a sting of many.  His hand goes into your hair and he bunches it in a fist.  Just like he always does but how he never has done before.  

You suddenly want him so badly.  Or is it sudden?  You’ve wanted him most of your life.  He belongs to you.  Your hands slide up under his Henley.  He pulls back from you briefly.  Just long enough to pull his shirt off over his head, and his mouth is back on yours.

He pushes you backwards on the hospital bed and you don’t resist. You kick the blankets from your legs.  All you’re wearing is a flimsy hospital gown.  Bucky grips the neckline in his metal hand and tears it like paper.  Exposing you to him.  His hand strokes over your public mound and you spread your legs.  His fingers slide up and down your folds.  

Your body is almost responding on autopilot.  This is what is supposed to happen.  You love him and need him.  You’ve missed him so badly.  Your wetness builds and drips from you.

Bucky moves between your legs, pushing his sweats down as he goes.  You feel the press of his cock against your cunt and you pull him into you.  You break your kiss with a gasp and Bucky squeezes his body tightly against yours.

“Oh god, I missed you.”  He sighs.

You wrap your legs around him as thrusts into you.  This is right and good and how it’s supposed to be.  You give yourself to it.  To him.  You are like two lovers who have been separated for years, despite it only having been a few weeks since the dream.  Despite the fact that you have never actually been with Bucky Barnes before.  Neither of you last long.  

When you come it’s with your whole body.  You cry out, your fingers digging into his back.  Bucky comes, emptying in you, his face buried in your neck.  

You both lay panting for a moment as his cock stills inside of you.  Bucky raises himself up onto his elbows, kissing you once more.  The kiss is deep but brief and he rests his forehead against yours when he breaks away.  “You are home.”  He says.

A shudder runs through your body and you once again suppress the urge to cry.  “No, I’m not.  You need to let me go.”


	3. A Long List of Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to move on but your regrets keep piling on you. Bucky hasn't given up on the two of you.

You slide the white disk shaped pill back and forth along the plate they gave you.

After you’d had sex and you’d told him you didn’t want him.  Bucky had left the hospital room, telling you you were making a huge mistake.  That the dream you had meant something.  It had to have meant something.  

You’d paged a nurse.  You’d asked her if you could have a shower and your clothes back.  She had agreed.  You then asked her if you could have a morning after pill.  

The nurse had looked at you puzzled.  You just repeated your request.  They sent in a doctor who had questioned you as to why you would suddenly need one.  You just told him you’d made a terrible mistake.  He’d nodded and while you were showering a nurse had returned with the pill leaving it on your tray table.

Now you were having trouble bringing yourself to take it.  

It was stupid really.  You weren’t pregnant.  It was too soon for that to happen.  This pill just made it so you couldn’t get pregnant.  It wasn’t like it was going to make you abort a baby.  You weren’t actually giving anything up here.

You didn’t even want to be pregnant.  If you were, abortion would definitely be up for consideration.  You were a student in a relationship with another woman.  You lived in a tiny flat.  Nothing about your life screamed ‘hurry up get knocked up by some stranger you dreamed about one time’.

So why did it feel like you were about to murder your son?  Steven was his name.  You got pregnant with him by accident.  Your powers meant you could make birth control but you and Bucky kept getting swept up in moments.  Your labor was long and a little scary because it was just you and Bucky.  Bucky delivered him just fine though.  He was 10 years old when you woke up.  You’d known him for ten years and you loved him fiercely.  Maybe right now if you did nothing you’d get to see him again.  You wanted so badly to see the little boy you loved so much again.

He wasn’t real though.  None of that was.  You picked up the pill and swallowed it with a glass of water before breaking down in tears.  

Captain America entered the room followed by a sullen looking Bucky.  You hastily wiped your eyes and tried to look like you weren’t dying inside.

Bucky rushed over to you but you flinched away from him.  He stepped back like he’d been burned.

“I’m sorry we’ve kept you for so long.”  Captain Rogers said.  “The doctors say you’re fine so we’ll take you home if you’re ready.  I was just hoping that you might indulge me with a few questions.”

You nod you head.

“Sargent Barnes keeps saying he dreamed about you.  That in that dream you were married.  He claims that you shared the same dream.”

You look at your hands and twist them together.  “Yes.”

“The attack that knocked Sargent Barnes out when he had that dream was of a mystical nature.  I was hoping that you might allow us to run some tests on you to see if we can’t work out why you were dragged into Bucky’s mind.”  Captain Rogers explains.

“I really just want to go home.”  You whisper.

“Of course.  But maybe if you could come back when it was convenient for you.  Surely you’d like to get to the bottom of this too?”  Captain Rogers presses.

“Okay.”  You agree.

“Bucky - Sargent Barnes claims you’re enhanced.”  Steve says.

You nod.

“Can I see?”

“I need paper and a pen.”  You say.  “And I need you to not freak out when I do it.”

Steve nods curtly and hands you a ream of yellow lined paper and a pen with Stark Industries printed on the side.

“Captain, if I were to give you a gift and it was in a box.  What would you like it to be?”  You ask.

Steve thinks for a moment.  “Water color paints.”  

You start sketching a box all the time keeping in your head ‘this box has water color paints in it’.

When the box is drawn to your satisfaction you pinch the paper and pull, working the now much larger three dimensional box from it’s paper confines.  You hand the box to Captain Rogers.

With a brief hesitation he takes it, opening the lid slowly.  He pulls the palette of water colors from within.  “Where did these come from?  Were they teleported?”  He asks.

You shake your head.  “No.  I made them.  Let me show you.”  You draw a butterfly on the paper and pinch it pulling it free.  The paper looking lopsided creature still replete with ruled lines flaps awkwardly around the room.

“The drawings I make become real.  But I’m not a good artist.”  You explain.  “So they come out messed up.  If I draw a box though and just think really hard while I’m drawing about what I want to have in the box, the thing inside comes out perfectly.”

“That's… that's…” Captain Rogers stutters.

“I know.”  You reply.

“Would you ever consider joining the Avengers?  Someone like you could be a real asset to the team.”  

You shake your head.  “I have a life.  It’s a life I like.  Can you please just return me to it?”

* * *

When you get home Abbey is worried sick.  She’d heard about the attack in the city and had started worrying that you were one of the list of victims whose names hadn’t been released.  You’d told her what happened, leaving out the bit about how you cheated on her.  The list of secrets you were keeping from her was becoming significant.

You fell back into your life uneasily.  Your grades started suffering and you started overcompensating with in your relationship with Abbey, because of all the guilt you carried inside of you.  The guilt of the fact you cheated on her.  The guilt that you kept lying to her.  The guilt that you missed the life you had with Bucky.  That you loved him.

You started worrying that she could tell you were hiding things.  Which just made you overcompensate more.  Bringing her flowers and little gifts.  Cooking her favorite meals and desserts.  Your guilt fed your overcompensation and your overcompensation fed your guilt.

To add to your lies you were now going upstate to the Avengers compound once every two weeks for them to run tests on you.  You always lied to her about that too.  How could you tell her what you were doing when she thought your dream was stupid?  When she had no idea that you were enhanced.  

The tests weren’t really showing anything.  Stephen Strange even did some kind of mind meld with you.  He said your powers were connected to the other realm and that he was interested in training you.  You told him you weren’t interested at all.

Each time you went up state you’d spend some time with Bucky.  It started out just being because they were running tests on you together.  You were scared to talk with him to begin with.  Worried you’d forget who you were again and slip.  

Over time you just started feeling comfortable with him.  You knew him so well that it was an easy friendship to fall into.  You started seeking him out even when you weren’t being tested together.  He felt like your oldest friend before you’d even met.  So it was natural that you’d end up enjoying being around each other. 

“Why can’t we just try?”  Bucky asks.  You’re in his room.  It had been months since you’d slept with him.  You don’t know why you agreed to go with him there.  It was probably a mistake waiting to happen, but you’d gone, because it was familiar and the thing you would naturally do with Bucky.

“Because I have a girlfriend.”  You answer.  He didn’t bring it up as often these days.  It did come up from time to time.

He takes your hand in his and squeezes it.  “She doesn’t even know you.”

“I know her though.”  You answer.  “And I love her.”

“You love me too.”

“Bucky.”  You sigh.

“Tell me you don’t.”

“You know I can’t.”  A tear escapes your eye and rolls down your cheek.

Bucky moves closer to you.  He wipes the renegade tear away and cups your jaw in his hand.  “I know you.  I know how it takes you a long time to open up to people.  I know your favorite foods.  That you don’t like having people make a big deal of your birthday.  That you prefer red wine to white wine, but best of all you like drinking fruity cocktails.  I know that when you’re upset you need space, but when you’re really upset you need someone to just hold you.  I know you have powers.  That you hate using them.  I know the spots you’re most ticklish and the ones that turn you on.  I know you like it when I use these fingers on you.”  He flexes the fingers of his cybernetic hand.  “I know the face you make when you come.  Doll, I know you better than anyone else.  She just knows who you’re willing to let her see.  How is that fair to her?  Or you?”

“It’s the way it is.  In the real world.  Where I live.”  You say.  “Take me home.”

Bucky does as you ask.  The next few days you try and forget both Bucky and the Avengers.  You decide it would be best if you didn’t go out there any more.  You no longer care why you and Bucky shared a dream.  It was a dream.  That’s all.

You come home from school on a Thursday night, arms laden down with take out chinese and hot cookies from Insomnia.  When you go inside your heart nearly stops.  Bucky is sitting on the couch talking with Abbey.

“Oh hey, babe.”  Abbey says getting up and greeting you with a kiss.  She takes some of the bags off you and puts them on the table.  “Look, your celebrity crush is here.”

You swallow hard.  “Sargent Barnes.  What do we owe the pleasure?”  

He raises his eyebrow at you.  “Someone needs to tell her.”  

“Don’t…”

Abbey looks at you puzzled.  “Tell me what?  You know him?  What’s going on?”

You think you’re going to start crying.  You collapse on the couch and Abbey just stands there staring at you.  Waiting for you to answer.

“If you don’t tell her, I will.”   Bucky says.

“Tell me what?”  

You shake your head and look down at your hands.  You can’t believe this is happening.  That he’d do this to you.  

“Your girlfriend is enhanced.  She has powers.”  Bucky says.

“She what?”  Abbey says.  “How do you know this and I don’t?”  

“She’s been coming out to the Avengers compound for weeks now.”  

“You have?”  She asks.   She sounds so shocked and confused.  Most of all she sounds hurt.  You knew it was bound to happen one day, but you’ve hurt her and it was only going to get worse.  “What can you do?”

You ask her to sit and you do your trick.  She freaks out so badly that you’re worried for a minute that she’s going to pass out.  

“That - why wouldn’t you show me that?”  She stutters as she starts getting herself back under control.  

“Because now you think I’m a freak.”  You say, not looking her in the eye.  

“Do you want to be an Avenger?”  She asks.  

“No.  I want to be with you.  I want what we want.”  You answer.  There is a pit in your stomach.  

“There’s more.”  Bucky interrupts.  He looks at you, his grey-blue eyes piercing a hole through you.

“Bucky, please don’t do this to me.”  You beg.  Your mouth is dry and you start wishing that the earth would open up and swallow you.  

“What is it?”  Abbey asks.

“Tell her.”  Bucky says.

“I can’t…”

“Tell her.”  He barks the order at you and you jump.

Abbey takes your hand in hers and that just makes it worst.  You stare at your fingers linked together.  

“I slept with Bucky.”  You murmur.

She lets your hand go.  “You what?”  

You look up at her, tears have started to slip down your cheeks.  “It was just once.  I was confused.  After I hit my head.  I’m sorry.”

“How many more lies have you been telling me?”  She yells at you.

“That dream, the one with Bucky.  He had it too.  I feel like I’m in love with him.  He feels the same, but I know it’s not real.  I love you, Abbey.  I love you.”  You cry.

Abbey gets to her feet and starts pacing.  “Get out.  You only love yourself.  I don’t even know who you are.”

“Abbey.  Please.”  You beg.

“Get out of my house!”  She screams.

“I have nowhere to go.”  You plead.  “I love you.”

“You should have thought of that before you let him put his dick inside you.”  She seethes.  “I’m going out.  I expect you gone when I get back.”

She storms out of the house and you break down in tears.  

“It’s for the best.”  Bucky says.  He get’s up and moves to the couch beside you.  “Now she knows.  No more lies.”

“What am I going to do?”  You sob.

“You can come to the compound with me.  We can be together now.”  Bucky says.  

You shove him.  “Are you kidding me?  I hate you.  How could you do this to me?”

Bucky looks at you like you’ve stabbed him in the heart. “Doll…”

“I have so many regrets, James.  You are my biggest one.”


	4. Mrs Barnes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You slowly start piecing your life back together

 Leaving Abbey hurt. It hurt as much as anything has ever hurt before.  You could have killed Bucky for what he did to you.  Even if you were wrong to have lied to her and so wrong to have cheated on her it wasn’t his place to tell.  

Initially you had nowhere.  What you did have was your abilities.  You drew a box and filled it with money.  Making money out of nothing made the least sense of any of the things you could make.  Surely if the mint didn’t make it, it was counterfeit money?   No one ever questioned it though.  You used the money to pay for rent on a small house. Although you kept begging Abbey to forgive you.  Pleading with her to take you back.  You also moved on.  Eventually Abbey blocked your email address, your phone number and every account you had on social media.  It was clear, she was not forgiving you any time soon.  You had to move on.

Having a house meant you could have a dog.  So you adopted an older dog from a shelter.  He was a large German Shepard mix.  He was missing his front left leg and his name was Rocco.  You’d take him for walks and sit with his head in your lap while you studied or watched TV.  It wasn’t the life you thought you were going to get.  It wasn’t the life you had already lived once.  It was okay though.  Rocco didn’t care that you could make his dog food out of nothing.  He ate it and loved you anyway.

Three months after Abbey kicked you out Steve Rogers shows up out of nowhere.  He’s sitting on your porch just waiting for you.  He stands when you open your front gate.  Rocco bounds over to him and Steve scratches him behind the ear.

“You stopped coming in for testing.”  He says

“How did you find me?”  You ask, ignoring his statement of the obvious.

He raises an eyebrow at you and smiles.

“Right.”  You say.

“Can I come inside?”

You nod and he follows you into the kitchen taking a seat at your kitchen table. You put on some coffee and stand with your arms folded, leaning on the kitchen bench and looking at him.  Waiting for him to tell you why he’s here.  

“We discovered the cause of the dream.  The man who attacked Bucky was named Edvard Haberdash.  He is enhanced like you.  Only he can trap people in dreams.  He told us that the dream he created for Bucky used his own fears and desires in a way that he wouldn’t want to leave.  The idea was for Bucky to just stay like that forever.  He would have done the same to us, except we incapacitated him and he was sent to the Ark.” Steve explains.

“Bucky wanted to be trapped in a world with no one else except some stranger?”  You ask.

Steve shakes his head and his face falls.  You pour him a coffee and place it on the table in front of him with sugar and creamer.  He thanks you and takes a sip, drinking it black.  “You know Bucky’s history?”  He asks.

You nod.  “I know almost all there is to know about him.  That really scares me, Captain Rogers.”  You say.

“Please, call me Steve.”  Steve says.

You nod again and gesture for him to continue.

“What Bucky wants most; is a life where he’s left alone.  Where he can have a family but no one will hurt him any more.   Where he doesn’t have to worry about hurting anyone else.  So his mind concocted that world.   No one could get into the world to change him again or use him as a weapon.  He could stop and relax and just be himself the way he was before they turned him into the Soldier.”  Steve says.

It feels like you’re going to cry again.  You’re not sure if it’s for yourself or for Bucky.  You did – you do love him.  Despite what he did to you. He knows you better than anyone has ever known you.  You hate that he lives his life in fear like he does.

“That doesn’t explain why I was there.”  You say.

“To make the person he was with real, they needed to be real.  Haberdash sent his powers out and they latched onto a person who was both asleep and similarly scared.  Who was living there life in shadows for fear that people would reject them.  But also someone who was kind and just wanted to be accepted and loved by someone.  Someone who Bucky could fall in love with. That in turn would fall in love with him.  It found you and dragged you into his mind.”  Steve explains.  “The life you lived may not have been real in a physical sense.  You never had children.  You never even touched.  But in the ways that it matters.  The emotional connection.  The things you shared that made you love each other.  Those were real.  He really loves you.”

“It wasn’t real, Steve.”  You implore.  You need it to not be real.  You want to forget it.  To have Abbey take you back.  Tears prick your eyes and you rub them away in frustration.

“Who exactly are you trying to convince?”  Steve asks.  “I wasn’t there.  To me my friend was unconscious for an hour.  When he woke up he was scared and disorientated.  Then for the next few months he kept talking about this dream.  This dream where he had met the perfect woman. She was so complete too.  He could tell us about her childhood and her funny mannerisms.  Her favorite foods.  There was no small detail he couldn’t answer.  Then it turned out that woman was you.  It was confusing, I’ll grant you that.”

“He really hurt me.”  You say, quietly.

Steve gets up and approaches you putting his large hands on your shoulders.  “I know. He shouldn’t have done that.  There is no excuse.  He is sorry though.  I know it’s a lot to ask but maybe you could try and forgive him.  You don’t have to take him back.  Just if you could see him again.  I know he’d like to see you.”

You shake your head.  “I can’t.  It’s easy for him to know what he wants.  He didn’t have a life.  He just followed you around doing as he was told.  I had a life and because he wanted in on it, he ruined it for me.”

Steve glances around your house.  “Are you sure it’s ruined?”  He asks.  Before you can answer he starts to speak again.  “I know you’re hurting. Know he is too.  That might not mean much but people lash out when they’re hurt. Their targets aren’t always deserving.  It doesn’t excuse his actions at all.  But consider giving him a second chance. And considering coming to see us again.  We can help you with your abilities.  We could use you.”

He lets your arms go and leaves.  You break down in tears.

* * *

Over the next month nothing changes.  You aren’t ready forgive Bucky.  So you just continue as usual.  School and home.  You start feeling extremely alone.  One day after class Abbey is waiting in the corridor outside your lecture hall.  You run to her and then pull up not sure what to do.  Do you hug her?  Kiss her hello?  Shake hands?

You settle for an awkward wave.  “I miss you.”  You whisper.

“I miss you too.”  Abbey replies.   You go to touch her but she moves out of your reach.  “We’re still over.   Don’t get me wrong.  I can never trust you.  Do you understand that?  You lied to me about everything.  About who you are.  About that dream.  About the Avengers.  You cheated on me.  Why do you expect I could take you back?”

“I’m sorry.  I was so scared.  Everyone always rejects me when they know me.”  You say.  “I lied to begin with because I was tired of people running scared.  I kept lying because I loved you and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“If you loved me, you would have trusted that I would have accepted you. I thought I loved you.  I didn’t even know you.”  Abbey says.

“Abbey…”

Abbey shakes her head.  “I forgive you.  That’s what I came here to say. I understand why you did what you did.  All of it.  The lying.  The cheating.  He explained it to me.  But I can’t take you back.  We can be friends.  Maybe.  It will take a lot of work because I will never trust you fully.  But you are forgiven.   Please move on.”

“But Abbey…”

“No. No buts.  It is how it is.  You said everyone rejected you when they found out about your powers.  Maybe I would have too.  Maybe not. You never gave me a chance.”  She says.   “There was someone who didn’t though.  Maybe that’s who you should be looking to.”  She takes a step closer to you and kisses your cheek.  “Take care, okay?”

* * *

Something about Abbey’s visit feels freeing.  It feels over and it still hurts, but her forgiveness is like closure.  You know she’s not taking you back but at least you know she understands.  You can move on.

The only question is to what.  You’re back in the situation you were before.  Alone and with powers that terrify almost everyone you show. You could not use them.  That’s true.  But they are part of you. The reality bending nature of them is part of you.  If you hide them from someone you love would they ever really know you?

You decide it’s time to talk to the Avengers again.

You drive out to the compound wondering what exactly you’re going to do. Rocco sits beside you with his seatbelt on.  His tongue lolling out of his mouth.  You pull up in the visitors carpark outside the main building in the compound.  You let Rocco out of his seatbelt and he lopes along beside you as you head to the front doors.

Before you even make it to the doors, Bucky bursts through them and runs to you.  He repeats the actions you did when you saw Abbey.  Coming at you like he’s about to hug you but then stopping dead.  Before he can settle on the awkward wave that you gave Abbey, Rocco runs at him tongue out and tail wagging.  He jumps up onto Bucky’s chest and Bucky automatically starts ruffling his fur and letting Rocco lick his face.

“Who’s this?”  He asks.

“His name is Rocco.”  You answer.

“He’s great.”  Bucky says.  He crouches down and Rocco falls back and crouches down wagging his tail and bouncing from side to side.  “Hey, Rocco.  What’s goin’ on, pal?  You missin’ a leg?  Look, me too.” He holds out his prosthetic arm and Rocko pushes his face into Bucky’s hand.  He looks up at you smiling.  “You should get them to make him a leg like my arm.  I bet Tony could do it.”

You can’t help but smile at Bucky’s sheer joy and enthusiasm.  “I’ll think about it.”  You say.

Bucky stands and and approaches you slowly.  “Hey, doll.  Whatcha doin’ here?”

You shake you head.  “I honestly don’t know.”  You say.  “I’m alone and I’m scared.”

“I’m here.”  He says, holding his hand out to you.

“I don’t know if I want that, Buck.  What you did…”

“Was inexcusable I know.”  He takes another step towards you.  “Can we talk?”

You nod your head and he offers you his hand again.  You slip yours into it and you both walk.  Rocco follows along at his lob sided gait.

“I shouldn’t have gone and forced you to tell the truth to Abbey.”  He says.

“No. You shouldn’t.”  You agree.

“But you should have told her the truth.”

You sigh.  “Yes.  That doesn’t give you the right to just rip my life apart.”

“No. It doesn’t.  I’m really sorry for that.  I was selfish.  All I wanted was to have you back.  In my head you were cheating on me with her.  I know that’s not what was happening…”  He pauses and runs his hand through his hair.  “I love you.  Ya know?  I was a mess after I woke up.  Even more so when I found out you were real.  It’s taken me so long to feel like I even remotely belong anywhere.  If Steve wasn’t here I wouldn’t be an Avenger I can tell ya that.  He’s the only one who’s accepted me fully.  Who I feel safe around.  All the others are scared of me.  Until that dream and I had you.  You weren’t scared of me.”

“No. And I’m not now.  That doesn’t give you free reign to do whatever you want though.  I’m not yours, Bucky.”

He sighs.  “I know.”

“That dream messed me up, Buck.  I wish I never had it.  I woke up and thought I’d lost everything.  We had children.  I can still remember what it was like giving birth to them.  How they smelled.  I was so in love with you.  Unlike you I knew you were real and I became obsessed with you.  But I was also in love with Abbey.  I had a life with her too.  It felt like I got ripped in two.  I was just working out what direction I should take and you came and shattered it.”

“I’m sorry. I know I’ll never be able to say that enough.”  He says.  He stops suddenly and turns you to face him.  “I’m not asking you to take me back.  Shit, that ain’t right.”  He shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes.  “I’m not asking for you to agree to go steady with me.  But can you forgive me enough that we can be friends?”

You laugh.  “Go steady with you?  Sometimes I forget how out of your time you are.”  You lean up and kiss his cheek.  “Thank you for going and talking to Abbey.”

He shrugs.  “The least I could do after the damage I caused. Sometimes I think that’s all I’m good for, destroying things.”

You take his hand in yours and squeeze it.  “That’s not true.  You can’t say that to me of all people and have me believe it.”

He smiles.  “I do want us to…”  He waves his hands around in the air.  “Ah, fuck it.  I want us to go steady.  I want you to be my gal.  But most of all is I want that feeling back.  Another person who knows that’s not me.  I’m not just the guy who destroys everything.”

“I do know that, Buck.”  You say.  “I do.”

He tilts his head to the side and looks at you expectantly.  He reminds you of when Rocco wants you to throw the ball for him to chase.  You reach up and ruffle his hair.  “I need to come at this slow.  Okay? All of it.  Not just you hoping we can get that life we dreamed out. That might never be what we get.  For now we slowly go at friends. Let me remember who I knew and not just the guy who fucked me over to get what he wanted.”

He grins.  “I’ll take it.”

“I think I need to speak to Steve.  About my powers.”  You say.

He takes your hand again and you head inside.

* * *

“You may kiss the bride.”

Bucky dips you and pulls you into a long kiss.  No tongue.  You’d talked about that.

You’d tried to go slow.  You really had.  There was a lot of healing to do, but being around him was like being home.  Slow ended up being a month of just talking things out and spending time together.  Two weeks of making out and then one day the making out didn’t end at kissing and you turned into that couple who can’t leave each other’s side.  You were mostly at the compound.  You were working with Stephen Strange to find out more about your powers.  Turns out they were even deeper than you could imaging.  Not only could you create things from an idea drawn down on paper, you could also create doors to whole other worlds by just thinking about it.  The first time you’d opened a porthole to Asgard had been more than terrifying.  You were also working with Steve to become an Avenger.  That meant a lot of fight training.  He was a good teacher though.  He knew what it was like to be small.  So he knew what you needed to do to get the physical advantage over someone large.

After three months of basically but not officially living together and Rocco almost being more Bucky’s dog than yours you officially moved in with him.  Sex with Bucky was like nothing you’d ever experienced before.  You knew each other’s bodies so well.  All the things you each liked best.  How to bring each other right to the edge and hold you there and what to do to push you each over almost instantly.  But also, this was all completely foreign.   You were both new lovers with the boundless energy and enthusiasm that comes with that.  And an old married couple who knew all of each other tricks and deep kinks that only come out when you’re totally comfortable with each other.

Bucky in particular appreciated that.  His fear of hurting someone he loved after years of the winter soldier often made him hold back who he really was.  Not with you though.  You had both already gotten past that.  With you he could just be him.  He knew you’d tell him straight up if something was not okay.  He knew most of the things that weren’t okay.  He knew you’d tease him and he could tease you. Most of all he knew he could relax.  That you didn’t see him as a killer or a weapon or someone damaged.

A month after that he asked you to marry him.  You said yes without hesitation.  The wedding wasn’t quite as rushed.  You were engaged for slightly over a year.  You planned the wedding in Central Park. The reception was being held at Tavern in the Green.  Bucky had said they’d built it when he was a teenager.

You signed the paperwork and posed for photos.  Neither you nor Bucky could stop smiling.  It began to hurt your cheeks.  After the photos you and Bucky were taken into a room by yourselves to await your announcement.

Bucky can’t keep his hands off you.  He wraps them around you from behind and kisses up the side of you neck.  “You look so beautiful.”  He says.

“So you keep saying.  You look pretty good yourself.”  You say and lean back to kiss him.  It’s true.   You’ve never seen him look so handsome.  He’s in a black tux that fits him perfectly.  His hair is tied back and he shaved not long ago, but long enough that he had a little bit of stubble along his jaw.  Mostly what looks good on him is how happy he is.  You’ve seen him like that before, but only in the dream.  When your children were born.  The day you first kissed him.  It’s nice to see it in the real world.

He breaks away from you with a contented hum.  “I can’t wait to get you back to the hotel, doll.  Start trying to make a little Steven in the real world.”

“Bucky! We can’t keep rushing things.”  You squeal.

“You always say that.”  He says.  “But look at you.  You’ve never looked so good.”

“I still think we should spend some time enjoying it just being us before we add new people to it.”  You tease.

“Mmm… I do like just enjoying the two of us.”

There as a knock at the door and Steve poked his head in.  “They’re ready for you.”

You and Bucky follow Steve down the hall hand in hand.  When you get to the door leading into the restaurant.  You pause at the door as Steve steps inside.  A moment later you head his voice magnified over the stereo system.

“Well it happened fast, we can’t deny that.  But for them this is how they’d been for years and years.  They’re just now letting the real word catch up with what they already know to be true.  And I know they are meant for each other.  Time and magic and logic all aligned for this to be the outcome.  They belong together.  So without further ado can you all stand and welcome Sergeant and Mrs Barnes.”


End file.
